In Montreal, the 'Real, everyone jumps at a chance to walk a two-lane urban strip that has been shutdown just for them. Personally, I think it is mostly because all the people in MTL are so incredibly-fucking-attractive, or think this, and as such love to share themselves with all the other beautiful 'Real-people. But, it is also without reproach that many 'Real-city dwellers are unable to pass up any chance to party in public, sanctioned or not.
The St. Laurent, 'St. Low', street sale is by far-and-large one of my favorite times of the Montreal social year, and my second favorite excuse to close a street next the St. Pat's parade on St. Cat.
Street sale is the second closing of Boulevard St. Laurent in a two week span, and tends to be the point at which my summer-bliss plateaus. Usually this infamous weekend involves excessive indulgences and salacious behavior of epic proportions, lasting all the way from Thursday afternoon until early Monday morning. The sale comes at at a point in the year where everybody's tolerance for their particular vices has peaked, their inhibitions long lost in the heat of the waning of spring. It truly could not be a more perfect alignment.
To give you an accurate idea of what a debauchery laden St. Laurent street sale might entail here is a heavily condensed 'schedule'/'guide' for a 'good' 'weekend' in my 'humble', and very 'unknowledgeable', 'opinion'.
2:45pm Thursday
Begin drinking on St. Laurent after waking up still-drunk in the Mile-End from last night's after-party. Shortly thereafter begin harassing the crowds, and do not cease harassing the crowds until Monday. Consider it a constant.
5:15pm
Return home to cat-nap, clean-up, and change clothes before heading to **32 St. Low, where your friends have a sample sale/pop-up shop that happens to be doing an art exhibition this evening.
7:33pm
Do shots of Jack Daniels behind the counter. Then do more shots chased with cocktails in-store, out-store, back-o-store, and in the alley behind the store. Repeat until mix and booze run dry or you forget to keep drinking.
10:??pm
Watch as two shit-stinking eunuchs posing as peace officers invade the vernissage on their big-boy-wannabe trike-segways. Heckle them as they do some tricks for the crowd before harassing the management and art-lovers about what they are drinking. Argue with these pigs, who are obviously disgruntled due to their displaced genitalia, about their molestation of Montreal traditions for up to an hour. Laugh at their bike helmets as they leave.
11:06pm
With flared tempers, and sour moods, all babes & chillers should flee to the nearest apartment to heal the pack's wounds with alcoholic, herbal, and chemical licks until party has re-peaked.
1:0?am
Before leaving get a little warm-and-fuzzy in your nose with some chillers and babes. Then, as a group, hit the streets, patios, alleys, and bars for further inebriants.
???Shots?Babes?Beers?Shit-taking?Babes?Shots?Shit-talking?Babes???
1:04pm Friday.
Drink water, a lot of water, then some more water. Go back to sleep because, though you cannot remember, it has only been a few hours since you arrived home.
4:38pm
Awake. Take vitamins, feed, shower, and buy whiskey as rapidly as super-humanly possible.
6:15pm
Arrive back on St. Low after a few beers in a park. Hang out at pop-up shop, see the familiars, and begin further casual drinking.
9:01pm Friday
Work-a-bit. Close the shop down, chemically revitalize, and leave to do some shots of whiskey.
10:17pm
Run into two babes, one hammered and familiar, and the other a pretty and a mystery. Do more whiskey shots with them, and an infamous 514-chiller, in the nearest alley.
10:33pm
Shoot-music-shit at Blizzarts with some of the 'Real's finest.
11:11pm
Do more alley shots with other babes and chillers, followed by delicious empanadas.
12:02am
Make out and get crotch rubbed by an amorous babe familiar to you in the middle of a crowded patio, do some whiskey shots, then resume inappropriate displays of affection.
12:45am
Extremely frustrated, do more whiskey swigs with two close chillers, and one of their new babe roommates, in the closest alley.
???Beers?Babes?Shots?Ups?Babes?Shit-talking?Chillers?Shots???
5:15am
Kill the bottle of whiskey on a patio as the sun rises, throw bottle on to adjacent roof, and proceed to scream at it for being empty.
8:40am
Chemically revitalize.
9:39am
Get supplies to sleep in park: wine, water, blanket, pillow, and babes; check.
11:11am
Fall asleep beside two half-naked babes in busy park in your underwear with bottle of wine for a pillow.
Saturday 1:45pm
Wake up next to one half-naked babe, still in underwear, and dress en-route back to St. Low.
3:01pm
Find an awesome friend to feed you a beer, smoke you a joint, and let you watch soccer until you pass-the-fuck-out on their couch. You will need this.
7:35pm
Re-wake and go back to the shop. Proceed to drink beers, and smoke trees.
10:30pm
Head to a friend's place to get ready for a party, drink more beers, and eat pizza. Fall asleep to stand-up comedy shortly after this is accomplished.
12:17am
Wake up to best of HBO sex shows and two babes with arms full of beer and a large bag of pure-warm-and-fuzzies.
1:08am
Finish best-of-sex-shows with babes. Watch more stand-up while babes clean out the bath-tub so they can play in it as the hot-tub is under quarantine. Cancel party plans, even if it is in a castle with a pool. Head to bathroom and remain there for hours drinking, smoking, laughing, and fuzzing-out.
4:48am
Start looking up how to verify Guinness world record attempts, particularly for babes soaking in a bath tub while drinking beer. Note they do not have a number, probably for people like you. Sweat all you can because its a sultry-sauna and the fuzzy-warmth is full force.
5:40am
Walk one clammy babe home after the other takes off in an all-too-privileged cab.
Sunday 1:01pm
Wake, hydrate, eat, and go the fuck back to sleep.
4:45pm
Eat, shower, get whiskey, and return to St. Low, for the last day. It is important to push through the wall at this point, so start drinking beer when you wake up.
10:37pm
Alley shots, babes, bar shots, alley shots, babes, free beers, free beers, babes, free beers, alley shots, alley shots, alley shots, babes, bar shots, babes.....
???Shit-talking?Babes?Shots?Beers?Babes?Chillers?Shots???
Monday 12:32pm
Crawl home from pull-out couch you woke up on and swear you are taking it easy this week before realizing St. Jean's is on Thursday.
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